I like to push boundaries in my art, but also to rationalise. I’ve taken an aspect of conservation from my father, and this emerged in my show ‘Bicara’ and its earlier incarnation: ‘Why We Do What We Do.’ It came out of my father’s talk on why we treat animals so badly and is a history of men’s behaviour and actions. The show wasn’t just meant for high art but also for a wider audience. What I enjoyed was taking scientific facts and creating characters and narratives with it. I was happy with the process, with work that reaches to people who don’t mind that I am rolling around in mud, being an animal in captivity.
With every show I get, my roles get more challenging. I knew Tropicana was going to be difficult because I don’t sing, and the role wasn’t easy. But my most difficult role was when I had to play a grandmother, Sharifah, in Hotel (Wild Rice - 2015,2016). So I played the young Sharifah who was the lover of a Japanese soldier in WW2 and an older version, 40 years later, just ten minutes apart. And I have to play from contrasting emotions, and speak in Malay! But it reminded me of my grandmother’s own story, so I did find some empathy in that. My grandmother was forced to marry a Japanese man, who left her and their child when the war broke out. It left my grandmother in such a state that if you mention the word ‘sushi’ she would scream.
I saw this role as my grandmother’s role, so in a way there’s a shamanistic element. I would feel a lot of things before I entered the role, and therefore the character kept revealing new facets every night. So I continually discovered new things that hurt, but also brought me great joy.
Whatever we do on stage reflects in life, and if that doesn’t happen than I don’t think the art is good enough. Because the energy that needs to be created on stage needs to keep transitioning and evolving, otherwise it becomes one-dimensional.