When she asks
Bapadia bikin apa?
I answer with the only Malay I know
Aku tak tahu Melayu
Tak tahu would have been the simpler answer
But that's one more lie to tell my mother
Over the years I've picked up a lot
Like how panas means
On the aircon
And makan, makan means sit down and talk with me but also
Makan is shut up
My favourite is bapadia bikin apa
As if it's an offhand inquiry of
Where have I left my phone
Can you call
him, ask what time he's coming home
for dinner, do I leave
it in the fridge or in the open
secret that we haven't spoken since
he is driving at the moment
She has a quota of three questions a day
But I'm a genie who can’t grant
you permission to skip your medicine
That's for the doctor which I never became
So sebelum makan pagi to start your day
And don't try to siam
The sebelum makan malam
Everything in between is for someone else to handle
So don't ask me what 'after' is in Malay
So don't ask me what 'noon' is in Malay
I just know that tidok marks another day
But tidok tidok is how I say, go away
You no longer know, but
Bapadia bikin apa is not the same as
Alamak, bapadia bikin apa?
Did he teach you
That K is for konstant, that air is water
That his masak masak masak would beat my masak masak
Did he promise to one day show you his
recipe of love, his Nasi wa wu ji pa ban (ji pa ban)
Did he promise to one day cook up
a happy family
You never said he was wrong
Just that the actual moral of our story
Is that whenever children reach up, adults always bend over
And every quarrel between parents
Is a tantrum for kids to throw later
You always said my Malay was wrong
So can you teach me one more time
What bagus is and how it's different from baik
Instruct me on the nuances of your smile
whenever I come home, the smirk when
something silly happens, and even that laugh
when something silly happens to me
But today's lesson was on the principles of aiyo, sakit
Raise your hands
If your shoulder isn’t pain
Recall what you had for lunch
If your head isn’t pain
Rewind your life by 10 minutes or 10 years
When she correctly answers
Bapadia tak bikin apa
Aiyo, sakit
It is only right that every aiyo, sakit is paired with
an aiyo, sayang
Does it still soothe the same
when I can't say it like you
Does it still make the world fair
now that you've outgrown me too
So as we sit side by side
In lieu of hugs or held hands
I promise I'm not at a loss for words
I've just chosen to confess to you
all the Malay I do not know
About the Poem
Family is a source of many memories, handed down in every moment spent together. But there will be things lost between generations after they pass and even during the process of passing.
Events between 2013-2016 led the poet to contend with such feelings, and this poem is his third attempt at processing what he saw. It is a Venn diagram of his regrets from both sides of the family and a projection into a future where he has to answer the same difficulties that his parents had.
About the Poet
Who writes a new bio each time? Chris does, and he calls it his poet's hallmark. He also refuses to start any bio with his own name, which tells you all you need to know, or so he claims. This is his one serious, got do introspection piece. We'll be back to comedy next week.
Disclaimer
The Malay used in the poem reflects the fragments that the author picked up from his family, mostly verbal, and may not always follow conventional spelling or grammar.
‘Bapa dia’ is more akin to "their father.” This phrasing isn’t often used.
‘Tidok’ is typically spelt tidur and isn’t usually pronounced with the k, more like ti-do.’
A glossary of terms
Bapadia: Father
Bikin: Doing
Apa: What
Bapadia bikin apa: What's your father doing
Aku: I
Tak: No/Not/Don't
Tahu: Know
Melayu: Malay language
Aku tak tahu Melayu: I don't understand Malay
Sebelum: Before
Makan: Eat
Pagi: Morning
Sebelum Makan Pagi: Eat before breakfast
Malam: Night
Panas: Hot
Tidok: Sleep
Alamak: Expression of "oh no" and/or "help lah"
Air: Water
Masak: Cook
Nasi: Rice
Na si wa wu ji pa ban: Hokkien song, If I had a Million Dollars
Sakit: Pain
